Dear Overthinking-Me,
Do you think 2 years is a long time? Cause I genuinely don't know how fast it flew. I still remember my freshman year in university when a senior told me that my college life was gonna go by in the blink of an eye and how I mocked him by saying "Oh, it’s 5 years! Bet you weren't able to enjoy it to the fullest". Turns out, he was right! I flew from my hometown New Delhi, in August 2021 and wasn't that keen on coming back until this August, exactly 2 years after, when I think I finally needed a break from being an adult.
I reached home on the evening of 8th August 2023 and just couldn't believe how everything had changed so physically. There's a hibiscus vine growing in the garden. Mom's planting some of her fruits and flowers now? It felt like there was so much to process. The common house clock had been removed from the kitchen wall and had been placed in the dining room's pink wall. I noticed so many things that had been put up in new places and my mind constantly kept placing them back to their original positions which rolled a tear down my eye. Even though I felt really close to home, I felt I was so far away. My first night wasn’t that good considering my body's sleep rhythm had been messed up while being on a totally different side of the world and it was still daytime for me.
The mornings were a time capsule that took me back to when I was a kid. I was somehow up at 6 when I heard the doorbell ring and found the milkman on our doorstep, asking me the quantity of milk I wanted. Every morning the newspaper mailman would throw a roll of The Times of India and The Hindu on our front door and as a kid, I used to eagerly look forward to it, mainly because of the daily crosswords and what discounted offers are we going to be getting that day. My mom would bring me a bowl of Kellogg’s Chocos for me, and in my grandpa's room, I could hear the daily news being played on Aaj Tak, which is identifiable because of its funky music they used for the '100 Headlines of the Day’.
Things had changed so much. Now there's a middle school for kids up to Grade 8th a few meters down the road. As the clock would strike 8, I would hear the constant ding of the school bell, along with the footsteps of the kids running down the steps to line up in the ground for the morning assembly. They would start by reciting 'Where the Mind is without Fear' by Rabindranath Tagore, following it with 5 news headlines of the day and ending it by singing Jana Man Gan, the Indian National Anthem. All these things gave me a nostalgic kick and I suddenly realized that my high school ended a long time ago!
At 12 pm I went to the kitchen, only to see my mom chopping vegetables and prepping lunch for the family while listening to the melodious voices of Kishore Kumar and RD Burman's songs on her Caravan. Just looking at her being lost in her world and showering her love in the way she was making food for us, made me realize that she had missed her 3 kids being under one roof. After all, she really enjoys experimenting with new food recipes from Masterchef (even though only 2/10 were tried) and YouTube, just for us.
I felt as if I was constantly trying to fit myself into my family again. Even just to charge my phone, I had to use a universal adapter since my phone's power adapter is a Canadian one. Felt like a little birdling that flew back to its nest, only to realise that it wasn't my nest anymore. Felt as if I had closed the 18 chapters of my life and put them on a distant bookshelf in the back of my mind, just to be able to start fresh from the 19th one.
I feel that once you step away for a while, you never return back the same, the intent being that we need to form our own little nests in this limitless world, and while it sounds tough, I feel time is what gives you the knowledge to make that happen.
Looking at the butterflies on the wall, I felt as if looking at myself in the mirror. You grow and grow and fly, not realizing where you'll end up. But I feel that's the best thing, the uncertainty of not knowing what shall happen next. That's when you truly cherish being in the present, enjoying all the little nuggets of time you have!
To end this letter, here's something that I always carry with me and I want you to read it every day:
"Life Moves Pretty Fast. If You Don’t Stop And Look Around Once In A While, You Could Miss It." - Ferris Bueller
With Immense Love and My Overwhelming Support,
The Present Me
This reflection on being back home and "fitting yourself into your family again" brings to mind a quote by Heraclitus - "No man steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man".
Quite in the same way, the experience of going back home and being reacquainted again with childhood memories reminds me how much of a different person I am. And how the other 18 chapters are now dusty old books lying on a shelf somewhere. Thanks for this article, Ansh.